No tears for Big Brother

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You see that black box in my truck window with the red light? That’s a dual facing camera. It captures nearly everything I do. We’re supposed to believe it protects us as well as the company but it rarely feels like it. It mostly feels like an unwelcome intrusion.

Especially on days like today because today I am feeling overwhelmed and would like to yell and cry a little but, with Big Brother observing everything I do, including tapping this out on my phone, I find myself holding it in instead.

You see that green outhouse in the picture? That’s where I’ll go to shed a few silent tears for now. The yelling will have to wait until later because it can raise eyebrows in an outhouse.

There’s no particular reason I feel like this. Just life in general. I sometimes feel like I set myself up to fail. Or that for all my good intentions I keep missing the mark. Or that the changes I’ve made in my life after awakening are just too little too late. Or that my body is betraying me. Or that I will never be “good enough”.

Today I feel a combination of all those and more. I know it will pass, and I’m grateful for the insights I gain from exploring these feelings, I just wish I didn’t have to hide in an outhouse to do it.

8 Comments

  1. Go gently with yourself. The proverbial “they” say emotions are like weather. Sometimes they are, but other times they are much more substantial. And goodness gracious, can time feel like it is moving like molasses in a sub-zero climate! I’m with ya brother on wanting it to all be happening NOW.

    So – go gently and nourish yourself. Hold those emotions and cherish the knowledge that you can feel.

    Btw, you taught me that 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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