a seed
blown on the wind
or carried by bird or squirrel
until deposited
in fertile soil
a spot perfectly suited
for its specific needs
pushes gently
with fragile fingers
to reach the moisture
that feeds it’s spine
to sprout tiny limbs
which slowly reach out
from the warm blanket of its birth
eternally stretching
towards the warm glow of Heaven
in such slow
graceful motion
that its progress is marked in decades
in the rings of its trunk
and its family is generations
of insect
and moss
and squirrels
and birds
that carry its seed
to other fields
to claw and scrape and sometimes
long enough to become home
to their own generations
of life
until one day
hundreds of years
and thousands
perhaps millions
of lives later
it is in the way
holding up progress
it is hacked and sawed
and uprooted
and burned for a road
or a home
or a hotel
or a parking lot
and I am reminded
that in life
there are no take backs
I can’t go back to where I began
reach out into the world
in a different direction
or replace
the paths I took
that got me here
or retrace the steps
that carried me to this point
sitting naked in a hot tub
and sipping rum
and allowing the events of my life
events that led me to a walk down this most beautiful avenue
lined with oaks
planted with purpose
full of peace
intentional peace
a grove
this family
brothers and sisters
destined to live their lives
to their very end
while I
still digging my roots deeper
my limbs higher
have every opportunity
as a gift from the Divine
to expand those roots at will
to places of my design
of Her design
I can never go back
only forward
and at any time
I too
may become
though I am still just a seed



Picture taken at Avenue of the Oaks.



just be

be yourself

Being yourself means being honest with yourself. I sometimes forget that and fall into the trap of “this is who I want to be” or “this is what I want to believe to be true”.

Those feelings are based on opportunity, desire, and a hundred other feelings that stand in opposition to truth and love and they ultimately lead to internal conflict and pain and obfuscate the Self.

I remind myself
I am also part of “the world”
that tries so hard
to make me something else
something less than myself
and release
the untruths
revealed to me
through them
by simply standing back
from what others might see
or believe to be
in order to hear my reflection say
“This is who I am”
not what I want to see
or want to be
or what others believe
but what I know to true
and though what I see
may not yet be who I am
trying so hard to become
I can see that person
looking back at me
and I say to him
“You are perfect just as you are”

5 Steps to Achieving Nothing

One of the most desirable, and often most difficult to achieve, meditative states is that of Nothingness. It is not a state of loss of Self as the word implies but of merging with All. In joining the All we are able to experience the same egoless state of infancy where we are One with our surroundings. It is a state of consciousness where there is no division between my Self and the zafu I sit upon or the air I breathe or the light from a candle that burns or the smoke from the incense that drifts across the room.

In my spiritual wandering I have come across a number of methods to achieve this state. Methods that range from inducing trance to consuming large quantities of psilicybin to strict ritual. Most of them failed or were so hard on my body and mind that they were not worth reproducing. As a Spiritual Warrior I am determined to keep pushing forward in my search for personal truths, those things that improve my life, no matter how many setbacks or pitfalls I encounter. As a result I developed my own method of reaching this state of consciousness.

The process is not difficult though it can take some time to master. For me, it has been well worth the effort. The benefits are numerous; a sense of peace and calm that I carry with me, an understanding of and a desire to live by the intentions of love and gratitude, respect for others and our world, an appreciation of all that life offers, even it’s suffering.

We can never achieve that same perfect state of egolessness we were born into simply because we have a lifetime of experience that conflicts with it. Memories that clearly prove we are separate even if what those memories tell us is false. But we can get close.

Here’s how:

1. Get in the zone.

Flow State is that frame of mind where one is fully immersed in an action with a feeling of energized focus. While I primarily use sitting meditation to achieve this state there are literally thousands of ways to get there. Select one that suits you whether it be meditation or prayer or trance inducing dance or running or stamp booking. Anything that gets you in the zone, that place where we allow ourselves to set aside the problems of the day and focus only on the task without thinking about it. It is quite impossible to achieve this first part if you are worried about what might happen tomorrow or the bills in the mail or the jackass that cut you off in traffic. So give yourself permission to set them aside. They’ll still be there when you are done.

2. Visualize.

This step requires intentional dissociation. If you are running, imagine seeing yourself as if from above. From the trees. A bird. The sky. If you are praying gently close your eyes and see yourself wherever you are as if standing outside yourself. As a stranger viewing your prayers in curiosity. If meditating see yourself as if you are standing in front of yourself. Whatever it is you are doing pick a person or a place or a thing and see yourself as if that thing.

3. Accept.

It is important to accept that what you are seeing is real. That you really do see yourself from the trees or the sky or the stranger. It is surprisingly easy to visualize yourself, we do it all the time. We see ourselves failing at something. Missing the great parking spot. Not getting the raise. And we are not at all surprised when those things happen. The lesson we can take from those experiences is that we actually manifest what we believe to some degree. Apply that lesson here. See yourself. Believe it.

4. Expand.

Allow that field of vision to expand and extend, to encompass everything around you a little at a time. Not just one tree but every tree in view. Let in sounds, smells, textures. Feel the sway of the tree in the breeze, the squirrel scrambling in your limbs, the warm moist earth on your roots, the nourishing sun on your leaves or the warmth of the lightbulb on the paint of your ceiling. The mind is an amazing thing. It really is capable of this. Soon you will have difficulty separating yourself from your environment.

5. Practice.

With regular practice you will literally be able to see yourself in these positions, doing these things. It can be a little uncomfortable at first but it will also be familiar, and soon you will lose some sense of yourself. You will see with a thousand eyes. With one eye. You will become Nothing and in that nothingness you will experience All.

I’m not saying it’s easy and you certainly wouldn’t want to live like this all the time. We really do need to retain our sense of self in our everyday routines. But to feel the restraints of this physical life be released is true freedom. It is the egoless form of the infant recaptured by the mature mind. A mind that can appreciate the experience and apply it to living.

Safe journeys.

Image by Studio Canal from the movie “Under the Skin” which has nothing whatsoever to do with the article….. I just liked the image 🙂

Two of a Kind


How often
I wonder
do I see the world
distorted by the lens of my past
in colors of jade
edges dulled
contrast fuzzy
like looking through
a dusty kaleidoscope
my mind fitting the broken pieces
in ways that suit
or expectation

Too often
I would guess

Too often


I close my eyes
and see from within
my vain attempts
to correlate the data of my past
with cloudy visions of the future
based on incomplete analysis of the present
influenced by experience
interpreted through illusion
borne from misunderstanding
and think to myself
“No wonder I stumble”

Note to Self

Recently, I was introduced to the term “imposter syndrome” which is defined as “a concept describing individuals who are marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud.”

Since I don’t feel like I’ve actually accomplished anything yet I argued that it really doesn’t apply to me (“that’s the point” she replied in silence). I am, however, quite intimate with the “fraud” part.

There’s so much I want to say. So many things I want to write about. I have a passion in me that has been ignited in a way that is impossible to extinguish. Nor would I want to extinguish it.

But the words won’t come.

Instead all I hear is:





How can I write about those things I feel and the lessons I have to share if I am unable to create and maintain them in my own life? Why should anyone listen to me? Why do the people I know continue to come to me for advice? I have had no success in love (or in life, really) to point at as an example and what I have learned I have learned painfully.

Rather than expose myself as that fraud I have written nothing but in doing so I prove that sense of failure because what I write about most often is hope and gratitude.

Some time back I read an article in the Buddhist review “Tricycle” by the Zen monk, Shozan Jack Haubner, who says:

“The only thing worse than trying to look younger than you are is trying to look wiser than you are.”

So I remind myself that my only failure is in thinking I’d be wiser by now and forgetting that I am only as wise as I allow my experiences to make me.

It is the suffering that has taught me the things I write about and though I don’t write about them in a “woe is me” manner does not mean I am pretending, it simply means I am learning.

Today I recommit myself to sharing what I have learned and to expressing the fire that burns in my soul because to hide it, or to hide from it, would truly make me a fraud.

As Shozan says, “…we all must commit wholeheartedly, moment after moment, to the life we have…”

This is my life. I will live it to the fullest. Even if that means pretending a little.


I could spend my life

Lamenting what I may never have

Or learning

and moving on

With gratitude

I could spend it

Worrying about tomorrow

Or crying about yesterday

Or I can choose to live


I could spend my life

Acquiring material things

Things with no meaning

Or I can use my time

Improving my Self

and my world

I could spend my life

In so many ways

Ignoring emotion

In blind devotion



Or embracing my humanity

As sacred and divine

and offering hope

To all I encounter

(including myself)

and learning to love

My choice is made easy

By one simple truth:

I can imagine no better life

Than one spent learning to love


Image: “People at the Beach” by Nat B

Discover. Now.

Life is all about discovery.

When we are born we discover the most amazing things: the world develops before our very eyes and as we grow it expands as if we, ourselves, are the gods that create it moment by moment.

In our teens we discover complex emotions that threaten our very existence: rage, pain, immense joy and sadness, and, for the very first time, even though we may not recognize it for what it is, Love.

We go through school being taught pointless rhetoric: math, science, history. All the while being taught none of those things that could lead us to deeper paths; mindfulness, loving kindness, compassion. Those are supposed to be taught by our parents. Parents who never learned those things either.

Learn them. They will lead you farther than you imagine.

Later still, we discover that we wished we had learned more of those worthless ideas. Paid closer attention. What was that formula for finding the volume of a circle again? That will come in handy later. I promise you that. So pay attention if you can. But there’s more.

We discover the value of money. Of friendship and of hard work and of possession. We go into the world discovering fine food, good company, bright lights.

Oh… shiney.

Too often people don’t make it past those last discoveries. They base their lives on the hedonistic values of life: a big house, a nice car, good clothes, physical pleasure. Discovery ends. Life has been explored and all that it offers has been found.

Discovery continues despite that belief. Our friends die. Our loved ones leave us. Our investments fail us. We discover loss, suffering, disappointment.

Those discoveries become empty. Meaningless. Superficial. Life becomes meaningless. Emotions become an intolerable consequence. A side effect of life.

If we are insightful, or have a fortunate predilection for it, or have a loved one willing to force our awareness, or we are just plain lucky, or unlucky, we push deeper. Struggle harder to find meaning.

Our path of discovery narrows to two distinct paths: inward or outward.

The outward path leads us to medical discovery. To miracle cures. To pills that end our suffering. To gurus and healers and shaman. The path can branch over and over from here but it always leads us to the discovery of the inward path though very very few can make that transition.

If you find yourself at that transitional fork in your path I hope, I truly hope, you find your way to the inward path. Reach into that place and you will find a hand willing to lead you farther than you ever imagined. I promise you that.

The inward path leads us to ever deeper discovery: understanding, self love, honesty, acceptance, awareness, unity, Love. True Love.

Discoveries that lead us to higher planes of existence. Planes where loss and suffering are accepted as simply a part of life and where the value of a single breath, drawn long and slow while listening to and feeling the beat of our own miraculous heart connect us to the very soul of the Universe, is beyond measure.

What we discover there can never be fully expressed in words but in that place are experiences outside the realm of comprehension and yet understood as if we were once again children creating, moment by moment, the very fabric of our own distinct, yet combined, reality.

My wish for you is this:

Continue your journey. Never cease in your struggle of discovery, because even further beyond that point lay infinity: a point of chaotic generation and regeneration of life where the distance between infancy and eons are but fractions of moments of the life of a single drop of moisture on a spiders web and all that we have discovered between birth and true life, the life that always awaits, that bekons and welcomes all, are a single reflection on the surface of that dew that shimmers a while before dropping into an endless ocean that rises as mist to condense on the web over and over again.

In that chaos of constant re-creation resides the Divine where She rests on this, the Seventh Day, with arms wide and welcome, to bring us into Her embrace.

It is a place of constant discovery and awe and wonder where a word as simple and complex as “Love” or “Gratitude” can define our very existence.

Though I tend to speak of it in terms of enlightenment and higher planes of consciousness it is not some mythical place reached only through lifetimes of deep meditation and study. It does not require the use of psychoactive compounds or healers or teachers.

It is here.

It is Now.

It awaits your discovery.

Close your eyes and breathe.


Image: “Infinity” by Tue Bengsston