I Wonder

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I wonder
What was he thinking
Here
Amazed and enraptured
In the land of his parents
Before I was born
What he was thinking?
Was his mind as clear as it was when I knew him?
Was it crowded with thoughts of his future?
Or focused and narrow?

I wonder
Because he had no idea then
Where he would be now

I wonder
Did he leave this place
Caught up in the romance
The excitement
His youth
Take his young bride
With passion
Long into the night
Is this the day
My brother was conceived

I wonder
If I could show him
How he would live his life
Where it all would lead
The devotion to an absent god
The honest but misguided love of his wife
The distance of his children
His belief in his work
Would he have been so devoted?
Would he have learned to love better?
Could he have kept his family close?
Would he have continued working unrewarded?

I wonder
As I look this young man
His whole life ahead of him
A million choices yet to make
A million paths to choose from
If he knew
Where the ones he made
The ones he chose
Would lead him
If he knew he would choke out his last breath
In that cold and sterile place
Betrayed by a body
That couldn’t respond
To the commands of his still
Sharp
Mind
Would he have done things differently?

I hope that he would have

Even
if that meant
I never
came
to be

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