Moths
For the last week there has been a moth in my window and for the last week I didn’t think twice about it.
Today it became a metaphor for my life.
I have no idea how, but there it was, stuck between the window and the frame. Able to see where it wanted, with all its life, to be. Unable to get there. Unable to understand why.
I can relate.
I am at a point in my life where I know where I want to be. Can see that place. Until now I have believed that there is nothing standing in my way. Yet, I have been unable to get there and the things blocking my way are entirely of my own making.
I have spent a lifetime building invisible walls. Barriers to keep me in place. To hold me back. To prevent me from becoming anything more than what I believed myself worthy of.
Which, to be honest, isn’t much.
Even as I set myself upon the path I now walk and and am continually learning the way of, I still worked against myself. Sabotaged myself. For every two steps I took forward I took one step back or placed obstacles in my way to keep me struggling. To provide excuses for my failure.
I don’t do this because I believe I am incapable of those changes, but because I still believe myself unworthy of life beyond those walls.
Or maybe it’s because I am afraid of what might happen if I fail. Or if I succeed.
I don’t have those answers yet. Right now all I know is that I am the only one preventing myself from becoming more.
Today, I opened the window, reached delicately up to the moth, let it fall into my hand, barely alive, took it outside, and set it free.
I don’t know if it will live or if it is even aware of what I did, both in leaving it trapped in my window or in setting it free. All I know is that it deserves the chance to fly.
I deserve no less.
Image by Mikkel Frimer-Rasmussen
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