When I first set myself upon the path of change I’ve walked for some time now, I knew the way would be difficult. That it would, at times, be impossible. That life would throw up roadblocks and obstacles. Life has not disappointed me in that regard.
The harder I try to become who I am meant to be, to fully realize my birth right to peace and happiness and love, the more life throws up these detours. I have worked with them, carefully gone around them, changed course as needed.
I now find myself at the edge of a high ledge overlooking a dark expanse. I have travelled to the farthest reach of this path. In that dark expanse lay either all that I’ve worked for or something unknown or unwelcome or nothing at all, and the only way I will know which of those will be my future is to jump.
So I surrender.
To surrender means to accept that I have done all I can do. That I have done my best. That my best is all I can and always should do. That my best is always good enough.
To surrender doesn’t mean that I give up hope or that I stop doing my best. It means that I relinquish control because control is an illusion. I can guide my life through my intentions. I can choose how I respond to the things that happen in my life. I can not choose those things.
In maintaining that false sense of control I create conflict both internal and external because the two are intertwined. Connected. One.
What happens in my life affects me internally and how I deal with those things affects me physically. There must be harmony between the two. Balance. That balance is maintained through my works and deeds and practices and also through hope and faith.
The faith comes from a lifetime of experience which has taught me that even when the outcomes were less than optimal the Universe has never once let me down. She has always been there to catch me when I fall, to set my feet upon the path, and to lead me with her loving light.
I will follow. I’ve come too far to stop now. I have prepared myself as best I can for whatever lay ahead and though I am afraid I am fearless because I know I am ready for whatever lay ahead.
I will leap into that dark expanse and new paths will be revealed in the fall. New directions. New life.
So I surrender to the Universe. She has gotten me this far. She will not let me fall into darkness.